Hi to both Reen and JudyB,

First Reen, I hope to hear an update from you.
Take care...

JudyB,
I have some thoughts on the fear thing I hope helps. I can't say that I have beaten the fear entirely for myself but I at least reconize the problem I have with "awfulizing" (my own word) that is letting my mind consider the worst possible outcome and then dwelling on it to the point of lost sleep and worse.

First, fear and worry gains you nothing.

Second, You can always imagine something to be worse than it really is. (this is where I excell.)

It often takes me awhile to push my mind back to a place of relative calm when a wave of awfulizing hits. I do it with prayer and by meditation. I don't want to get deep into faith right now but it has been a great comfort for me, the meditation is an effort to train my thinking to be slower, to see the good and live in the moment (don't think ahead so far), to realize all things have a purpose even this cancer. The process you are living (cancer) is part of your life and the total event will make you and your husband stronger. Ultimately you will probably find many aspects of this event to be very good. Life changing but good. (I hope this comes across as helpfull and not wacko) It is hard for me to type what I have been through (with my wife and 3 kids)over the last 2 years.

May I also say I'll pray for you and your husband. I personally had several moments of severe worry that "it" was back in every case I was wrong. Even Dr's can be wrong and if you get bad news get other opinions. Search out different Dr's even if it means traveling a ways away. If your Doc is any good he/she will help you. There is always hope. I know of a book you should get, (actually a few) but since I don't know if posting the titles is ok with the rules I won't put it here. If someone says it's OK I'll post it later.

For now take care and I want to hear about the outcome of your April 7th check.