well today has nearly come and gone, and its been pretty eventful.
as you would have gathered from my original post i am so scared ( though a little better just now ) and was at panic stations last night and this morning before heading to the hospital for my initial consultation ( again ) !!.
my aunt picked me and my mum up at half 9 to head to crosshouse hospital in Kilmarnock for my 9.55 appointment.
well when i arrived the place hadnt changed much from my previous encounter although the christmas decorations were getting put up and the place was nearly empty !!!! every other time ive been its been mobbed.
even better my name got called within 10 minutes and things had started again !!! ( at last after 4 months of sickening worry !!).

went in and the consultant introduced herself and had a nice look around my mouth looked at the extensive white patches and checked my neck and throat area for nodes etc, she said no swollen nodes or anything, then i told her just how worried i have been and asked her if she could at least tell me anything to ease my mind, she said it didnt look particularly nasty but as we all know and are aware of it needs a biopsy to be sure,
she arranged for me to have a biopsy in a weeks time and told me to go to have some pictures of it taken for their records on the way out and i was free to go home. very quick indeed !!!! ( she also assured me if it looked as bad as i was thinking she would have had me biopsied there and then )

went to medical photography and when i was waiting to get photographed the receptionist recieved a call from the consultant i had just left saying that there was a cancelation this afternoon and if i was willing to wait i could have the biopsy over and done today at 1.25 due to me being as worried which was good !

thought this was an ideal chance to deal with things and agreed.

me and my mum met my aunt in the next town and done some shopping and had lunch and headed back to hospital.

went in to biopsy and asked plenty of questions this time so i know whats happening and keep myself in the know !!! ( this place has helped me so much !! ).
again told nurse my worries and fears and again she tried her best to assure me it should be o.k.

well the biopsy took place and wasnt as bad as i expected, the last 2 i had were floor of mouth, today was going to involve 1 on the tounge and 1 on floor of the mouth. i asked her how she chose where to take them from due to the large spread of sites ( which i noticed someone here mentioning ) and then told her how much i was looking forwards to the needle in the tounge !!!! ( told her how i heard someone here mentioning nearly hitting the ceiling !!)

wasnt to bad although it is quite an uncomfortable feeling especially getting stitched up, but nurses were great and answered all my questions, although i done slightly less talking after the procedure, ha ha, rubber tounge !!!

well i have to go back on the 17th dec for the results ( my dads 60th birthday ) and both the consultant and nurses tried to assure me it should be o.k but obv made it clear that only the pathology will tell for sure.

i also asked to see the results from my biopsy in 2004 and i was shown them, i had mentioned in the earlier post that the last consultant told me it was early stage of cancer, well pathology result said irritation of tissues with slight inflamation at margins and NO displaysia !!
that made me feel a bit better as i had worried a bit about that.

i just hope i havnt pushed it to far over the last few years to put the changing stage of the tissue too much closer to the dark side.

it does look quite homogenous and no real red or ulcerated areas to be honest and i told the consultant about the sore throat and my fear that it had maybe had something to do with patch in floor of mouth but she said its more than likely to be unrelated, and that invasive scc spreads pretty quick ?

i will wait and see results and if all is well will maybe have to look into seeing an ent doctor if the sore throat remains ( thats 4 months !!), my local g.p said it could be my mind working overtime as ive been in a state of panic recently.

all i can do now is take the paracetamol for the throbbing face and pray and hope that all is well on th 17th.

i feel slighty calmer tonight than i have in 4 months and my mum also feels better, but i am not counting my chickens too early as ive read all the posts here of peoples doctors or dentists saying no it cant be, no it looks fine, only to be dissapointed.

but hey all i can do now is wait and hope that i have been over reacting, although i dont think that word figures when dealing with this horrible thing, nurse said i was spot on for keeping an eye on it, looking in to it and most of all doing something about it seeing i was so worried, as yous folk say, dont leave it, please get it checked out.

once again thanks for all your help , replies and prayers, yous people are brilliant and im not long after showing my mum your posts and the terrible situations most of yous have endured , yous are all so strong and i too will hold you in my mind.

i really want to say yous are amazing people and i will never be touching cigarettes or alcahol again, to me it aint worth the risk, and hopefully i can do something to make more people aware of this horrible thing and knowledge young people on the risks and horrible consequences, as in sure still 9 out of 10 people wont know or will never have heard about oral cancer.

thanks again to all here

Derek