Michelle,

I, too, play the what-ifs over and over in my head. Heather HAD the radiation and it didn't help. My what-ifs include - Why not RAD and chemo INSTEAD of surgery, what if we had gone to a major cancer center in the beginning? But, just a few weeks ago, I read a post from someone who did go to a major center and they are dealing with a recurrence anyway. So you just never know.

We can tell you to stop playing what-if until we are blue in the face, but only you will know when the time is right to move on. Gradually, you will come to realize that there is no way to know if doing anything differently would have helped. You will be able to move on, but it is much too early for that yet. Your pain is too fresh. A terrible injustice has been done and you will not get over it easily. But time will help. We all heal at our own rate. Don't try to rush things. In order to heal, first you need to grieve and the what-ifs are just part of that process.

Lots and lots of hugs, wink
Rosie

Was primary caregiver to my daughter Heather who had stage IV base of tongue SCC w/ primary recurrence. Original diagnosis August 21st, 2002. Primary recurrence March 18th, 2003. Died October 6th, 2003.