Wayne,

Thank you for your message a few posts above. I am not gonna lie, it made me cry. But they were happy tears, sort of. What you had to say really made me think about what is really important.

Even though I am only getting started in this battle, I am also feeling like cancer has given me a gift. In the "waiting week" where I didn't know the extent of my cancer, I really took a "look see" at my life. Remeber, at the time, I thought it very possible that I might be dying. I am pleased with some of the changes in me.

You see, I don't really ever sit down. Well, I do, but it usually comes with another task: fold laundry, balance the check book, pay a bill. Nohing fun really. I work second shift, Brad works days. We don't usually see each other during the week. But I am always in fast forward. I have three little kids. There is always something to be "done" around here. Cooking, cleaning, etc. So after my DX, I started taking note of what goes on around here. The truth is, I put my kids off. I give them the "I am cleaning" reponse all of the time. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids very much. They are well taken care of. But when they ask me to do something, I often tell them "NO". I have housework, or errands, or work.

So the very day that I found out I had cancer, I had an "ah-ha" moment. At 1:45, I found out that I have cancer. I came home. I cried. I tried to rest. I went out and bought expensive steaks for dinner. The origanl meal was tater tot hotdish, but that just didn't really seem fitting for the occasion. Just as we have a nice meal to celebrate good news, we decided that a nice meal was in order for the sucky of news too. So we ate. During dinner, Samantha (my 5 year old) asked if we could drive around and look at X-mas lights. I said "yes, we can go right now". She was surprised. I could tell by the look on her face. She wanted to know if we had to wait until I cleaned up the dinner mess. "NO". Do you have to do any laundry first? Again "no". We drove around and looked at lights. We realized that the more modest the neighborhood, the better the display. We got lost. We came home and had hot cocoa and candy canes. It maybe the most fun I have had in a long time. But if I didn't have cancer, I don't know that it would have happened that way. First of all, since I work at night, we don't get to eat a meal together very often. And when I am here, lots of stuff seems to take precident over what is really important. I actually have cancer to thank for realizing something very important. I used to think that there would always be time later to look at the X-mas lights. Now I see that there is no time like the present.

I have a really facinating life story. I don't see it the same as others, but even I'll admit that my life so far has been an interesting one. I have had many people tell me that "they" should do a documentary on me. The life I have lead so far is unusual, to say the least. It makes up who I am. It fuels the "I am scared because I have cancer" thing. Maybe when it isn't 2:48AM on Christmas morning I will share it. Heck, I don't know if anyone is even interested. I haven't been on here long enough to know if people share more than cancer stuff. We'll see.

But for now, I just want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. I am enjoying mine. I just got through playing Santa, which can be quite tricky if you are'nt careful. At least I dodged that bullet tonight. No kids came down and caugh me in the act. Yeah Me!

And Wayne, I talked about you at Christmas Eve dinner tonight. I couldn't remember your wonderful post word for word. But it didn't matter. I just told them all how you are one smart guy. Smart and caring, that's what i told them. Thank you for helping me to see the light.

Good night

Amy