I just wanted to post a quick reply to let you know theres no need to make individual posts for each question or problem. That would be several different ones and other members may get mixed up trying to follow along. Im actually glad you wrote so much.
It makes it easier to reply when knowing more of someones situation.
One thing stood out in your long reply... your husbands stoma. I dont know if its necessary to cover it or if leaving it open is best? One vitally important thing with an open stoma is NEVERT GET WATER IN IT!!!!!
Patients with open stomas can drown if water goes in there. When taking a shower, the stoma must be completely covered so not one drop of water, nothing can get in. I had a stoma from a trach 10 years ago. At that time I was hospitalized for 2 months and cant really remember much about the trach or stoma except when my ENT who was the head of the hospitals ENT/head and neck dept stopped by to check on me and saw my stoma/trach was not kept clean, he was NOT happy. He cleaned it himself as all the nurses scurried around more concerned about getting in trouble than taking care of me. I was moved to another wing a couple hours later. The visiting nurse should be able to tell if the stoma site looks infected but dont ever hesitate to call the doctor and take your husband in to get checked if you see something that doesnt look right.
I'll reply more over the next few days.