This is hard for me to write but I'd like some help on how to get my husband to be more supportive in a constructive way.
I love my husband a great deal and understand how scared he is with my cancer. He's been there to hug me, wipe away my tears, tempt me with food when I just want to give up. He came to my first 20 appointments. He's ca;med me down when I was too scared to go to an appointment.

Recently things have changed. HIs workload has got more stressful - he works from home so we are 24/7 with each other. I suggested that he doesn't come to all of my appointments so that we can have a break from each other. It was also a bit of a diversion from me as he gets so stressed out getting ready for my appointments that it was making me stressed and I'm already on BP tablets to reduce my high BP.

He keeps saying he doesn't feel like he's doing enough, and so I have to reassure him that he is. He said he wanted to come with me to my next appointmets as it doesn't look like he's being supportive when I go into my place of work for a meeting or just to say hi. I tell hom of every single appointment, I even send him a calendar invite so he has the choice. He chooses to work,

So yesterday he came to my 2 appointments. He got frustrated when I told him what time we were leaving in the morning, as he thought it was an afternoon appointment. He then got annoyed that the clinic was running an hour late (he doesn't seem to understand that hospital appointments rarely run on time) so much that he said we should leave the clinic and go onto my next appointment. When we got to my next appointment, it was also running late and my time over ran by 2 hours.
All day I could feel his frustration buildingbecause he had to be somewhere in the evening.

Now at 5am this morning I woke up coughing. I wemt to the bathroom and coughed up clotted blood and then lots of old dark blood. I gave my mouth a rinse, coughed again and some fresh blood came out. So I woke him up and told him I think we need to go to the hospital. To be fair he didn't ask why, he just started putting on clothes.
I'm still in the bathroom, rinsing out my mouth with cool water to get the bleeding to stop so that I can try to see where it's coming from as I can't feel any pain and I don't feel weak (like I did last time this happened). The bleeding slows down to a trickle and so I told him to go back to bed. His attitude was not caring nor compassionate. There was no concern for me, it was of an annoyed person who feels they've been woken up for no reason at all.

I popped some gauze into my mouth to clean up my tongue and everything feels OK, there is no more blood. I will phone my nurse today to let her know and I've got an appointment in hospital this afternoon.

My husband is coming with me this afternoon and I'm dreading it. I'm dreading today as he's going to be tired and grumpy, which means he'll get frustrated quickly and lose his temper. He is not violent, he's just shouty and sweary at whatever he's trying to do.
I am also concerned that he will be the person looking after me when I have my surgery. We had a holiday planned for the end of August. I said that if I'm in hospital then he should still go (it's a long weekend camping and would be great to help him de-stress) but it looks like I'll be coming out of hospital then, so he won't be able to go. When I told him that, he was clearly upset that he won't be able to go on holiday.

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. I feel like I can't tell him how I feel unless I become cold and brutal. I feel like I have to apologise for having cancer, spoiling his plans and adding stress to his life.
Him working from home and my being at home is taking its toll because we both need a break from each other. We're going away tonight for the weekend, which I'm really looking forward to, and we're going camping with friends to a festival thing next week - but I feel I should cancel this one as it will also bring it's own stresses which I'm not sure I can take.

I love my husband very much, but at the moment I can feel myself disliking him as I just don't think he knows how to be supportive without seeking constant recognition for doing a good job.