Now it is my turn to apologize for not getting back to you sooner. Seems as though I spend days here reading then have to back away for awhile. Not that all postings here are not in my thoughts all the time, quite the opposite is the case.

I was surprised after reading my post to you back in July that not a whole heck of a lot has changed as far as eating/drinking goes. I guess the funny part is I get some food or drink item in my head saying "hey that will work!" I run to the store, buy it, then after a bite or two so disappointed that it did not go down. I constantly fill the refrigerator with the voluminous containers of leftovers and funk out once again because I don't want to try it again.
Funny how I loved to cook and bake and in the true "southern way" was always at a sick friends door with meals and goodies first but now I only find myself in the kitchen to pour yet more sinking liquid formula to feed myself. (But don't get me wrong I am glad to have it). Quite an eye opener to see how eating drives so much of our existence with our family and friends. Everything seems to boil down to come over for dinner or let's meet at a restaurant. We have a very large house where everyone would come all the time for any party or get together excuse, eat and enjoy the evening because the joke was I always "cooked for an army".

Now I dislike walking through the grocery store. I find myself almost filling the cart with "used to be" great food items only to say to myself oh, you can't do that ! I even dream about potato chips or holding a big fat cheeseburger in my hand....wake up with hand in position at my mouth but it is an empty hand ! Now THAT is a nightmare, lol.

Shoot, when I first got the feeding tube I would hide in the bathroom to feed myself when our youngest son was visiting so he would not see the feeding tube but I gave up on that silly exercise. I again say I am so lucky to have a hubby of 44 years and grown children that are so caring and supportive. That is so incredibly important. I know your family is the same way with you so we are truly blessed.

Dr Pepper you think ? My crutch was Pepsi but now it is a burning volcano in my mouth, never thought I would say that. I do take sips of orange or apple juice and like you mountains of small crushed ice. I am never more than six feet away from my glass of ice water. My hubby has the sound of the overworked ice maker imbedded in his ears ! In fact, in the south we so often lose our lights for a few hours even when it just rains. So, I keep containers of ice in the freezer for back up.

Ahhhh, yes French Onion Soup sounds SO good..... might be another store run in near future.

Have you tried some thickening power ? I don't know much about it but they say it has no taste and you can use it in any liquid. I can swallow, sips not gulps, but my problem is that anything that is more than water, I can't get it to go back since the inside of my mouth is so extremely dry. And by the way, ALWAYS feels like an inferno.

True, I do also worry that the energy level and reserve strength will never be what it was but we can't dwell on that or it will drive us crazy. It is unbelievable how little I get done here on a daily basis but I have learned to shrug my shoulders and say oh well and whatever a LOT. I refuse to push myself but just take each day to enjoy what I do have. We have a new focus now. I see mine as enjoying family, delighting in the grandkids and stopping to "Smell the Roses".

Reflux issues you ask ? Oh yes, With 3 recliners in the house that stand you up if you want it to I have choices LOL. My poor hubby never knows where he is going to find me in the mornings. I am down to 86 pounds, a true skeleton here but I refuse to lose any more weight and working hard each day to get as much down the tube as I can handle. Christine is so right when she preaches on this site to push water, I really got myself in trouble not heeding that advise.

I am afraid the admins are going to kick me out of here due to this long winded post, I really did not mean for it to be THIS long. Hang in there buddy, you have been through the wringer but you have a family that loves you so much and they are counting on you to love them back. Take care and hope to hear from you soon !