Do not diminish your experience with something so scary. And, get rid of that word "SHOULD" from your language.

You feel the way you feel. You need to process that. Your fear is normal and expected and God knows that you will go through all of this.

Try to relax. Try some guided meditations - 20 minutes spent lying down with your headphones on can give you a whole day or two of more positive outlook.

In time, your experience will fade as different experiences crowd out this fear. Your two year old will get into the terrible two's, then the NO phase and next will be preschool and activities and there will come a point when something will bring you up short and all of the memories will come flooding back.

Consider the fear you feel now as a gift from God as you will be so much more aware and so much more understanding of how others feel when you hear the words "you have cancer". No one wants that diagnosis attached to THEIR name. You will know how that felt and you will be a better friend because of it.

For yourself - Remain vigilant, but not paranoid. That is a balancing act for sure!

Hugs, and go give that two year old a hug.

Donna