Hi Lori,
Hear! hear! to all that was said above. It's is your new normal for today, but as time passes it will change. You mentioned you feel like you are not fully trusting G-d, probably true. However do any of us!? I say maybe for a moment, then we slide back to the fears. Guess the silver lining of that is we run back to G-d and lean on him more often, all day, every day. smile many blessings to you and your family.

Nancy (53 at dx)
Metastatic SCC. Stage III. HPV positive with occult primary. N1, no ecs
7/1/11 - L-Selective neck dissection. Tonsillectomy. All clean. No rad, no chemo.
5/29/13 - Found primary
7/3/13 - TORS
7/8/13 - Emergency Surgery/Blood vessel burst in throat
8/9/13 - Peg in
9/3/13 - Radiation starts 30 IMRT, 60gy BOT, 56gy both sides of neck
10/14/13 - Radiation ended!
11/12/13 - PEG out!