Hi Saffy, I totally get it. I also feel like I am standing on the sidelines. Other people have absolutely no concept of what you have been through. How can they? Of course their lives continue on rentlessly. Our lives? in some ways we do just stand still. An endless round of Doctors/hospital appointments, scans etc. And then the waiting. For good results, health improvements , always coupled with the fear of more bad news. It is difficult to move our lives onwards. It is difficult to see our friends lives move on with happiness and no disasters. My Sister constantly posts how wonderful and glorious life is. Well, I think, "Lucky you". What about me?
Yes, I get it. I also think " the tincture of Time" helps.
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!