It's OK Gail. We've all had our turn venting and this is the right place to do just that.

It brings me back to my initial Dx. After I came too, after fainting, I got mad as hell, only to find out later that I also have HCV. I thought that if I didn't die, life was certainly over as I knew it. But it wasn't in the cards and life is very sweet today - in many ways superior to my pre-cancer life.

You'll get there too - it's just one big pothole for a while.

About the docs vacation - another perspective, maybe it'll be better if he is rested up and fresh. My H&N surgeon told me once that the initial screening interval was every 6 weeks because it couldn't grow that fast enough to make a difference in the outcome. Although the waiting is the hardest part.

IMHO the time between the initial DX and the start of Tx is the most difficult. Try not to let your "magic, magnifying mind" run with this (we all have it believe me). Breath deep and take it one day at a time.