Susan and Wendy especially (et al),
After seeing both sides of the equation, I hear what you are saying. I saw my mother literally disown my sister when she was living with her while my mother battled ovarian cancer. It took almost a year before they even spoke to each other. The caregiver is the real unsung hero and even when you have homecare nurses coming regularly, all they say is YOU must find respite care for yourself so you can help your loved one better. Yet, as you know, when you get out there, nobody fills that void. My wife used to trek across the medical campus to get soup for many at the chemo area partly to just get away. Then anger in the midst, as I call it, abounds and nobody really enjoys being the patient or the caregiver.
Many of the feelings we develop during the worst of times are things we develop. Never assume others are thinking anything and take care of your mental health above all. This nasty cancer world has a tendency to allow the million what-ifs to flourish. When we narrow it down to the real "what-are's" we often find that focusing on the facts and what is going on and shutting out the endless possibilities frees up a lot of time we spend on worrying. When we feel we cannot do that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking the help of a professional that is trained in addressing this and helping us resolve the things that eat at us. I strongly urge you to address this with the social worker where your loved one is being treated and they will help direct you where you can best be served. Never think you are being a pain to those treating your loved ones or yourself. The average person does not know what to say to the patient or caregiver so they just say something and hope it was right. Often it is not. Never feel you are whining but find someone that can truly ask you and be prepared to listen to what you really have to say.
If you like, send me your phone number (PM please, not here) and I will call and you can unload until you feel better. I spend a lot of time with patients but more importantly, I spend a lot of time with caregivers as I believe they are provided adequate support by most people. I have to warn you in advance, though, I am a trained volunteer hospital Chaplain, a Stephen Minister and a Lay Paster so my slant is toward religion although I also spend time with atheists and agnostics so I can tone it down if you prefer. The important thing is that you be able to release those frustrations and the anger for yourself first and your loved one as a consequence.
Be proud of what you do because it is really the toughest job and one of thhe most important!
Ed
