He gets 5-6 hours a night sleep? I wish I could. I have struggled with insomnia ever since I started the cancer adventure. They tried to put me on the "crazy meds" too and I had had enough drugs. For now anyway - lately I have been reconsidering.

There is nothing wrong with proper management for depression and anxiety but go to a psychiatrist who specializes in that sort of thing and will properly monitor and refine the dose rate and drug combinations. One needs to be "dialed in" to those types of medications and it can take years of trial and error to do so. Brain chemistry is very complex. Cognitive therapy, with a psychologist, should be a component of that plan should he follow it. Depression is a most common side effect of cancer treatment. He is also probably greving his pre-cancer life and most likely suffers from PTSD as well. Too many non-qualified doctors are prescribing these complex medications like aspirin these days and doing a great disservice to their patients.

Nagging, yelling, etc. only enable him - his resistance, to you, is probably the only thing he has control over. Find a good CODA group for yourself and stuff your anger (around him) - it's not helping him. Just reading a self help book doesn't make you an expert on codependancy. Consider, at least, some anti-anxiety meds for yourself. Everything you have described in your first post sounds more like your venting your problems and not really solutions for his.

I'm not trying to minimize your pain here. We cancer patients have it easy - if things don't out we just die and it's game over. Caregivers are left behind with a lot of emotional damage, second guessing, etc. Caregiving is truly the more difficult of the two.