Thanks to both of you for your support and suggestions. They are much appreciated and it's helpful to get some perspective on all this.

Gordon doesn't have insomnia, he just stays up late on the Internet, so there's an element of choice involved. The lack of sleep isn't going to help him with his recovery.

He has been seeing a psychiatrist, who put him on Prozac, and refused to budge when Gordon told him it wasn't working (he just upped the dose, and that didn't work either). He added the Mirtazipine, which doesn't seem to have had much effect. Gordon told him that he thought he was suffering from PTSD, but the psychiatrist just looked vaguely interested for two seconds, and then never mentioned it again. Gordon has now ditched this psychiatrist (who is useless as a counsellor as well) and is going to try to see someone else.

Yes, my original post is about my own frustration and anger - this seemed like the best thread to vent. I remember the last day Gordon could eat any solid food (oatmeal) three weeks into treatment, and I wondered how, as the sole caregiver, I was ever going to get him through the rest of it as he was bombed on painkillers and could do nothing for himself. Having had to give over my whole being to try to keep him going, it's really hard to see him not doing what he needs to do for himself with the three cornerstones of recovery: nutrition, sleep and exercise.

However, your points about enabling and codependency are well-taken. I've never pretended to be an expert on codependency after reading one book, and am aware of how difficult and time-consuming it is to change your own behaviour. Clearly the way I'm handling things isn't working, and I'm going to have to back off and let him find his own way, for his sake and for mine.

I think you're right about control being the issue here, and he's probably trying to regain some semblance of it any way he can. He may be grieving about the loss of his previous life but isn't really dealing with it or showing it yet. I'm seeing a counsellor myself now to try and work on some of my issues. Ativan every night at least allows me to get some sleep and keeps some of the anxiety at bay. Sometimes, I just feel angry, depressed, hopeless and alone. Anne

PS - Dying if things don't work out isn't exactly getting off easy, IMO.