Hi everybody,

I tried to search for a relevant thread but didn't have any luck. I'm about seven months out of my rad/chemo treatment, and had a limited neck dissection about two months ago and have been told I'm in full remission.

At my worst, just after completing my rad/chemo, I experienced what was described as "steroid induced delusions". Bottom line, one night I actually believed I was dying. It was visceral, emotionally agonizing, terrifying. And then I didn't die.

During my journey since that time, and pretty much right up to getting the good news from my neck surgery, I was preparing myself to die. I guess I'm a "glass half empty" type of person.

One might expect I would be joyous at having a second chance, but I find I lack self confidence. It is as if having come face-to-face with my own mortality, my core foundation has been shaken. I think back to things I've done in my life before cancer and marvel at how optimistic I was.

There are other factors that are challenging me as well. Not working, living in a new city, far from family etc. I maybe see baby steps of improvement, but I worry that somehow my mind has been permanently altered.

So many people on here have faced much worse than I have, and seem to have bounced back so much stronger than I have. I wonder if anyone here has experienced a similar lingering loss of self confidence after having been faced with their own mortality, even after receiving a good prognosis?

Thank you,

-Seth