Seth - I'm so sorry for all that you have had to go through in your recovery. I have not had your experience, but I'm sure others with more similar experiences can relate to yours. I do know that any changes in life, even if they are good changes can bring stresses and they cannot be overcome all at once. It takes very small baby steps to get back to feeling good again and to appreciate life maybe even more than before. You certainly have had many changes to contend with but if you can see even very small improvements, then you can be sure you are on your way to some brighter days. I think what helps is keeping busy doing something you like or exercising, even just walking outside for a bit. Helping someone else can make you feel better, too. When the dark thoughts come, you might try giving them a time limit - like 2 minutes or less and then substitue one of your recent baby steps of improvement to think about. Another thing you might consider is asking the doctor if any meds you are taking could be causing these feelings or whether your meds might need to be changed. I do hope you start feeling better and seeing more "baby steps" of improvement. Let us know how you are doing.