Hi Jon- Oh thanks so much for your story. I'm so happy for you that you got through the training and rocked it! Way to go!!!! No small feat and now that you have that under your belt you can just forge ahead. Your boss sounds like a very understanding and empathetic person.

Yes - it is true that mostly it is just being confident and breaking through that barrier. I am trying to just not let people's reactions bother me. It says more about them than it does about me. I think out of anything that truth has made itself so evident in dealing with all of this. It is pretty amazing how people's true colors really do come out. Right??

I work at a company with 85-90% women and that is hard as it is without having a speech disability thrown into the mix.... especially at a beauty/cosmetics company that is a little bit superficial, old fashioned and dysfunctional. Women can be really horrible to one another and if you are a little vulnerable your toast! There are definitely not any people that I have seen or know of that have any sort of disability -- there aren't even many minorities so I'm not working with the most empathetic bunch that is for sure. I feel that I have been pushed to the point where I do need to stand up for myself and my rights.

Anyways- I've been talking to HR. I finally got my official review and objectives back and in addition to verbally commenting on "my tone of voice".. and saying "its not what you say its how you say it" the review they actually wrote that I need to work on my interpersonal skills, patience, and "tone" when working with the other non-design team members.

When I read that in writing I just got so unglued... I just really feel like they have misinterpreted me. I am a very good natured person.Sure I make mistakes and get stressed out but I handle myself like a professional always. When I have a point to make and someone doesn't understand me I have to repeat myself sometimes and enunciate and emphasize my words. I don't say unprofessional inappropriate things. I don't make rude or uncalled for comments and I need to be given time to respond to people comments and advice and I shouldn't have to worry about when I make a point being interpreted as rude or impatient. I discussed this at length with HR and she just kept saying ... well tone could refer to "body language" or "demeanor" or what you say in an email. UGH! I said sure- I get that but for someone in my scenerio its just really insensitive and hurtful to phrase it that way.

I just find that to be a really poor choice of words to use with someone who has been what I have been through --- its totally insensitive and unkind. There have been several other incidences that demonstrate a general insensitivity to what I have to deal with in my communication difficulties. Throwing me on conference calls where I am expected to communicate and resolve problems. Once with some Austrailians and once with a Chinese IT guy (I mean come on.. isn't there someone else you can ask??..and ther eis they just don't want to do it.) Putting me in "working lunches" where I have to eat and talk and introduce myself to people I've never met before... the list goes on. Its pretty unbelievable. People are totally clueless sometimes.

Then last week my art director and VP bring me in and let me know they are promoting another younger designer who has been there less time than me. I mean- of course I'm happy for her but I felt like they were trying to trap me into getting upset and saying something to support thier comments. They kept saying... "ooooh so do you have any questions or concerns?? We just wanted to let you know since you've been asking about a promotion. I mean what the hell am I supposed to say? I am all for my teammates succeeding but why would you handle things this way? I just so "oh that's great- good!". Then I said - well I just want to make sure I am on track to meet my expectations too. The VP just snapped "... well that's a seperate conversation isn't it?...". I felt the tears starting to well up and just got out of there. I know her promotion has nothing to do with me and my performance it just seemed really mean spirited and was totally disheartening. This is someone who complains ALL the time... calls in sick when she's actually taking a vacation. Its pretty unbelievable. I guess the squeaky wheel gets the grease!

Anyways-- just another tough week on the J.O.B.....bleh...

I am going to get some advice and file a complaint officially though. I have many emails documenting everything and I'm scared to actually do it but I am fed up and I do feel that its the only way to make people behave and respect and assist someone like me who has a hard time communicating verbally. People shouldn't marginalize others who have disabilities its just plain wrong.

I'd really just love to just pack it all in some days.Would LOVE to call in sick but I won't.

Thanks for everyone's helpful advice and words of encouragement.
KATE