Life has once again staggered me emotionally these past few days. I once prided myself in being able to take anything that came my way...and now while I feel I still can/do, it just amazes me what life holds everyday.

Yesterday I had a wonderful day with the love of my life, my wife of 10 years. We spent the day Christmas shopping and enjoying each others company, which we surprisingly don't get to do very often. After a day of laughter, jokes and the joy of the season...I got a call that my youngest sister had taken her own life. She was almost 20.

I don't understand suicide, especially after spending the better part of two years fighting for my life. I of course was/am very sad, but also pissed off at her decision to end her life. I guess I'm just hoping that she finds the peace in death that eluded her in life.

Today was a great day, I just had all of the gauze, sutures, staples, stiches and almost everything else they left in me after having a XII-VII gloss-facial nerve graft and skin graft on Dec. 1st. My surgeon said the surgery went great and that to give me the best possible chance at restored facial function he used 100% of my tongue nerve to graft into my facial nerve. He said everything is healing well and I should be able to start to see improvements in the basics, eating, drinking, speech etc...

Throughout the day I was amazed at how I could drink without dribbling on myself, eat without most of it falling out of my mouth, swallow without as much water. My speech has been clearer but there is definetly work to do there...however if it keeps improving I can see myself back working in my old profession again.

I just see it as every breath is a gift...and where I feel the loss and my family is mourning my sister's decision, I'm going to continue to live appreciating each peak and valley. I'm going to focus on recovering what I've lost...which is just about everything but the most important things, wife, family and friends.

Putting this down has helped me get this out, as always I'm thankful for this forum and this group of people.

Eric