Hi, Believe -

I'm so sorry for this additional stress of your husband's problem drinking and his denial. My dad was an alcoholic - he stopped drinking before he developed his cancers, but everyone was convinced that heavy drinking and smoking caused them.

Whether your husband is an alcoholic, or not, the best thing you can do is to get yourself to an Alanon meeting to help you deal with this. You have to realize that it's his problem, not yours - the change has to come from him; you can't force it. At this point, he's not ready to change.

My husband also had a problem with drinking. I attended a few Alanon meetings without his knowing - he never found out. It helped me and my attitude toward him, and eventually, our relationship.

I know it's hard to not separate his cancer, all you've gone through, and his drinking, but they are different issues. Staying sober during treatment didn't guarantee he would remain sober permanently, unfortunately. I wish you luck because it's not easy to live with someone who travels the path of self destruction.

Good luck - you certainly need it.

Marlene