Amy

Im so sorry you are going thru such a rough time. First stop for a second and close your eyes. Take a few slow deep breaths and try to slowly relax yourself from your toes to the top of your head.

It can be very scary doing the mask for radiation. I did it too. While I didnt have any panic attacks, I did experience the maks which can be difficult to deal with.

Ask the techs to play music for you. The techs are there to help you so let them guide you. If you need meds to be calm, its ok, dont feel badly about that. Everybody gets thru this a bit differently.

I used to close my eyes and pretend I was lying on a warm sunny quiet beach. I never even opened my eyes the whole time I did the 35 rad tx, not even once. I programmed myself to close my eyes when I layed down and not to open them until the mask was being lifted off. Soemtimes if I was nervous, I would count as high as I could go. There also was the music which helped too. Try to think of something that calms you and make use of it even if its only some wonderful memory of the past.

Good luck with this, you can do it