Im so sorry you are hurting. Its okay to cry and I feel bad that you are embarrassed to cry in front of others. Being in pain and crying is a normal reaction to feeling pain. Put any shame aside and know you are not the first one to ever cry when you hurt. Im certain the radiation techs and nurses have seen many patients cry for far lessor things. To me, I think you are very brave for attempting to hold in your tears.
We all for some odd reason take our masks home. I still have mine and Im 6 years out. I do use it too. When I go speak at schools I will pull it out. The kids are shocked when they hear me tell them about the horrors of rads.
I know you probably feel lousy right now and will for the next few weeks but please dont lose your focus on your intake. Every single day for the next year you must continue to take in a minimum of 2500 calories and 48 oz of water. if you can push yourself to take more in thats even better and will help you with speeding your recovery. Adding high protein whey powder to drinks also helps but check it with your doc if its ok.
Best wishes with your recovery!!!
Christine SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive
