John
[quote]I feel like the worst possible place cancer could have happened was my mouth.[/quote]
Doesn't sound silly to me at all. We eat, drink, speak, kiss, or sob with our mouth. Anger such as you feel is normal. I used a different metaphor than yours of broken doll but recognize the pain.
During my time of lashing out with anger, this song by Pink was on the radio. It seemed to fit
[quote]I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da, da da

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is broken
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty[/quote]

All I can say is that this all passes. At the time, I had not found OCF so I thought it was just a private hell. Now I know it's tortures are quire common. The knowledge that others had suffered as much or more as me with the same or worse issues and yet somehow had broken thru to the other side really helped me the second time around.
Keep the Faith
Charm