Thanks everyone. Things settled here.
I do feel like I'm a mourning the life I had. Why now? I have no idea. Between the diagnosis time and operation time I really had no time to digest anything. Now I've been given time and I think everything is just catching up to me.
I'm nervous. And scared. This is going to sound silly but I feel like the worst possible place cancer could have happened was my mouth. My whole life there's always been something going on in my mouth that has held me back. Between braces, a pallet expander, and chronic canker sores there has always been something holding me back from being comfortable and this is the cherry on top of that shit Sunday.
I just wish I knew how I was going to react. I know me. I know if my taste changes I won't eat and I'm thin as is. And I more than anything am not ready for my tongue to hurt again.
But I finally had something good happen and it happened yesterday of all days!
Allow me to share something positive for a change.

So I had a birthday party for a kid in my class to attend. So I went and had a blast even though I was surrounded by ten year olds. It meant a lot to the boy that I go. He looks at me like a big brother.
After the party I went with my family to visit my grandmother's grave. On the way back they were having a contest on the radio to win tickets to see sugarland. I knew they were coming and wanted to go but with all these bills we can't afford anything. So I just decides to call the number and not only did I get thru but I won! And the concert will be right after radiation is over. It gives me a goal to get to, something good to look forward to and it just felt so good to win something.
I guess someone up there decides I deserved a little sunshine on a day that started off really dark. But not without struggle! Lol. While I was on the phone I dropped the call twice and managed to get back thru both times. It was kind of a weird wake up call. That there is fight left and there are good things to fight for.