Just wanted to let you know that I have been following your story. My husband was diagnosed on the same day. Rick didn't have the induction chemo but did the weekly chemo/7 weeks rads thing, finishing the chemo Feb 1 and rads on Feb 10.

I'll post an update on Rick's status some other time and don't want to take over your thread but would like to say that it all sounds very familiar. But now, a short 3 weeks out, our world looks very different. While he still has a massive hole to climb out of, he's got some spark back and it is such a joy. You'll experience this, too, although there is no telling when it will occur.

Now here are words of caution from a fellow caregiver who has just emerged from the other side..................

Since the 26th of October I've had my foot on the accelerator. This has been full on and all consuming. Just when I'd get a grip on one issue, something else would take its place. The ground shifted then shifted again and again. The second to the last day of rads he finally ended up in the hospital due to dehydration, malnutrition and anemia. (Christine goes, "Tsk,tsk, I try to tell you all.") And there he stayed for 8 days. The man I brought home, while still really unwell, was markedly improved.

So about 2 weeks ago I finally got to take my foot off the accelerator and you'd think I'd be happy but instead I've been moody and irritable. Me thinks it has been a normal reaction on my part to an abnormal situation. That things finally settled to a point where I did some letting go. That it is my heart and head's way of dealing with what's happened before I knuckle down and get on with life. And that it is an acknowledgement of the enormous fear and grief that is just below the surface.

Allow yourself to feel however you want when you finally get to come up for air. You'll have earned it.