#85548 12-07-2008 08:47 AM | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | OP  Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | A few months ago I posted about my next door neighbor being Dx'ed with Stage I SCC of his voice box. He told me that ALL he was having was concurrent chemo and rad and that his doctor told him it would be a breeze compared to me. He said that he had told him about my horror stories. He was a lifelong heavy smoker. I tried to talk to him but he just didn't want to listen since his doctor assured him his Tx was going to be a piece of cake. Well we pretty much know how that story went and he's finished now and recently told me he fully understands what I was trying to warn him about. LOL But here's my problem, one night when I was walking Buddy in my back yard I smelled smoke coming from his back yard and saw a red tip in the darkness that had to be the tip of a cigarette. His non smoking wife was also out of town. That was early on in his Tx. Yesterday my wife spoke to his wife and she said that she is so mad because he is back to smoking, just not as much. My wife is after me to talk to him but after reading some of your posts about what you thought of people tell you not to smoke I don't know what to do.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 309 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 309 | oh mercy - a hard one. she wants you to do it and be the hero hoping it will work if it is you and she knows it wont if she does it ... won't if you do either hon.
may cause a rift if you keep at him, but it won't make him stop. you already warned him and he has resolved in his mind that he can do it and either will face the consequences or is believing there wont be any because the cancer is now gone.
i would tell his wife you do not feel you should and encourage her to speak to his doctor. that is the only person who would be able to change his mind if anyone can.
Rita - Age 44
wife, mother of 4 - ages 3,16,21,24 & grandma to 1
(R upper) Maxillectomy 8/8/08 - UW / Seattle, WA.
===============================
"Those who think by the inch and speak by the yard, should be kicked by the foot."
| | | | | Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 247 Likes: 1 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 247 Likes: 1 | I don't think you can take on this battle for him. He knows what needs to be done.
Better to be available for support, by remainng on good terms with him (which could otherwise become strained), if he decides to stop smoking.
CG to husband, dx @ age 65, nonsmoker/social drinker. Dx 5/08 SCC Stage IV, BOT T1N2aM0. 33 IMRT - completed 9/12/08. Induction Chemo (Cisplatin, Taxotere & 5FU), plus concurrent Cisplatin.
1/09 PEG removed; 5/09 neg PET/CT; 5/10 PET/CT NED
Dental extraction & HBOT 2013; ORN 2014; Debridement/Tissue Transfer & HBOT 2016
| | | | | Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,004 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,004 | There is one thing I know about smokers. You can't make them stop. I'm sure he needs your support more than anything.
Suzanne
***********
T1 SCC on right side of tongue
Age 31...27 when diagnosed
4 partial glossectomies
No chemo or radiation
Biopsy on 2/2/10-Clear
Surgery needed again...no later than April 2011
Loving life and just became a mother on 11/25/10
It's not what we CAN'T do..it's what we CAN do:)
| | | | | Joined: May 2008 Posts: 219 Platinum Member (200+ posts) | | Platinum Member (200+ posts)
Joined: May 2008 Posts: 219 | David, I totally agree with the members that says not to push the subject with him in regards to smoking. It could cause hurt feelings and you can't change someone who has the desire to smoke. Your kindness, frindship, and knowledge will mean the world to him when he is ready to ask. His wife will probably end up handling the issue. My Mother complained to my Dad all his life about being overweight and drinking milk. (He loved milk!) All her complaints ever did was make him drink more, and to hide it when he drank it. She said he was a milkaholic. lol
I wish you all the luck in making your decision on handling such a touchy situation. Angel
SCC left tonsil, tonsillectomy with additional tissue removed 06/10/08, a few teeth on top left side removed 09/05/08,recurrence before treatment started at BOT and tonsil area, 35 IMRT treatments began 10/15/08, and Cisplatin IV (began10/16/08) weekly for duration of radiation.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | David....
Nothing you can say will get your neighbor to quit smoking. It will just alienate him from you which wouldnt be good. He could probably use your guidance on handling the after tx issues. You are a smart guy to know to tread lightly when it comes to the smoking issue. Only he can stop on his own.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,128 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,128 | I had a friend who was a Milkaholic, but he stopped when his doctor pointed out that he was getting calcium buildup in his joints.
Age 67 1/2
Ventral Tongue SCC T2N0M0G1 10/05
Anterior Tongue SCC T2N0M0G2 6/08
Base of Tongue SCC T2N0M0G2 12/08
Three partial glossectomy (10/05,11/05,6/08), PEG, 37 XRT 66.6 Gy 1/06
Neck dissection, trach, PEG & forearm free flap (6/08)
Total glossectomy, trach, PEG & thigh free flap (12/08)
On August 21, 2010 at 9:20 am, Pete went off to play with the ratties in the sky.
| | | | | Joined: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,384 Likes: 1 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,384 Likes: 1 | I have an Idea: install a really nice granite headstone in his back yard near where you saw him light it up. Let him suggest what should be engraved on the stone. After that don't let any of his behavior bother you (or us here either)
Oh did I say that in my outside voice??????
Mark, 21 Year survivor, SCC right tonsil, 3 nodes positive, one with extra-capsular spread. I never asked what stage (would have scared me anyway) Right side tonsillectomy, radical neck dissection right side, maximum radiation to both sides, no chemo, no PEG, age 40 when diagnosed.
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 507 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 507 | I really don't understand why your wife thinks you should be getting on you neighbor about his smoking.
Are you best friends or something?
Don
TXN2bM0 Stage IVa SCC-Occult Primary
FNA 6/6/08-SCC in node<2cm
PET/CT 6/19/08-SCC in 2nd node<1cm
HiRes CT 6/21/08
Exploratory,Tonsillectomy(benign),Right SND 6/23/08
PEG 7/3/08-11/6/08
35 TomoTherapy 7/16/08-9/04/08 No Chemo
Clear PET/CT 11/15/08, 5/15/09, 5/28/10, 7/8/11
| | | | | Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 716 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 716 | I would walk up to him while he was smoking and slap him! And then I would tell his mother. LOL..JK.
Some people won't quit...ever. My stepfather had two strokes but because "HIS" doctor said smoking didn't cause his strokes he started smoking again! Smokers will use any excuse to light up. I've tried to get my whole family to stop one time or another and they all still smoke. All of them. I'm going to start slapping my mother(she has emphysema), stepfather(he had 2 strokes) and sisters! Not a hard slap..just quick sharp slaps. David, why don't you try it on your neighbor and let me know how it turns out? I'm a little afraid to slap someone. LOL..I'm sorry I find that a little funny. If you see someone smoking you can slap them, not a hard slap just a quick one--that should be a law...LOL..okay I'll stop now.
In Cuba, I think it's legal to stab someone in the a$$...that would get him to quit; although, you'd have to take him to Cuba for that to work out...then that is not even a guarantee he'll quit smoking.
Last edited by Ray1971; 12-08-2008 09:35 AM.
7-16-08 age 37@Dx, T3N0M0 SCC 4.778cm tumor, left side of oral tongue, non smoker, casual drinker, I am the 4th in my family to have H&N cancer
8-13-08 left neck dissection and 40% of tongue removed, submandibular salivary gland & 14 nodes clean, no chemo, IMRTx35
11-4-08 Recovering & feeling better
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