Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#193226 10-17-2016 05:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 6
Karina Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 6
Hello everyone...
Unfortunately the word "caregiver" just puts a big question mark in my mind. It hurts when what I read often refers to Family & Friends....Friends & Family.
I live alone and do have a friend near by that has helped me in the past. He's now elderly and suffering with emphysema. I surly couldn't ask him to help with hauling water or bringing in firewood.
I have a brother that lives in AZ. His job requires him to travel the globe and even though we care for each other...
We've only seen each other once each decade. We do email now and then.
I'm sure he would want to know about my condition but I don't want to worry him. His daughter is expecting a little girl soon and they are in such a Happy place.
I don't want to be the one that puts a damper on such a special time. You see... the last time we we're together was 1 1/2 years ago as our mother was losing her battle with met. Ca. Feelings are a still a bit raw from that time.
I love my Bro...want to protect him...and at the same time.. could use a kind word or 2 from him...Selfish?
Thanks for reading..
Karina


10-5-16....Biopsy @ ENT office
10-7-16....Dx SSca Lt Lat Tongue
10-14-16...By examination called T1
2nd biopsy (core) for depth
Pre anesthesia testing done
Surgery date Nov.2
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 23
Member
Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 23
You've already answered. He would want to know. You can't worry about spoiling a happy time in his life. He may not be able to be with you, but he can at least be someone to listen.


CG of husband,50, history of smoking
BOT HPV+ and one node
diagnosed 11/14
8 chemo and 36 radiation treatments
2016 40 HBO dives, removal of two teeth
one year scan clear
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,507
Likes: 3
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Offline
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,507
Likes: 3
Im so sorry to read your post, Karina. As a single mother I was in a similar situation when I was initially diagnosed. What I quickly learned is people are genuinely good and have big hearts. Its not possible to know how those close to you will respond and act when they are told about your illness. I was surprised at how some family members who promised over and over they would be there for me disappeared almost immediately. Some coworkers I barely talked with stepped up and gladly filled that gap.

OC is not something simple, you will need help. I suggest calling the American Cancer Society and asking about their volunteer driver program. You may need help getting back and forth to appointments and further treatments. I was lucky enough to use this service even though it was 45 minutes each way to my treatment center (plus the driver also added another hour and half to the trip). The wonderful volunteers who drove me were fellow survivors. It was very helpful seeing someone who appeared the picture of health after getting thru their cancer treatment and recovery.

I also suggest thinking about other sources for help. Ask at your treatment facility if they have any volunteers who help patients, church or other religious affiliations, neighbors, coworkers or maybe even some retired or stay at home moms may be interested in helping out. You are having surgery and will need someone to drive you home after you are released. You also should have someone stay there with you while you are not feeling the best. Im positive if the people you mentioned told you they were sick and needed help you would want to help them. I suggest start talking to everyone right away and line up your team. Give everyone a chance to decide for themselves how they will react and if they are able to be there for you.

Good luck!!!


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,275
Likes: 7
Assistant Admin
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Offline
Assistant Admin
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,275
Likes: 7
Hi Karina,

Let's put it another way-- if your brother was sick, would you want him to tell you or keep it from you? Because your brother is in a good place, he is probably better equipped to deal with your illness than if he was struggling or miserable. Do let him know and let him decide how he can support you.


Gloria
She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails... Elizabeth Edwards

Wife to John,dx 10/2012, BOT, HPV+, T3N2MO, RAD 70 gy,Cisplatinx2 , PEG in Dec 6, 2012, dx dvt in both legs after second chemo session, Apr 03/13 NED, July 2013 met to lungs, Phase 1 immunotherapy trial Jan 18/14 to July/14. Taxol/carboplatin July/14. Esophagus re-opened Oct 14. PEG out April 8, 2015. Phase 2 trial of Selinexor April to July 2015. At peace Jan 15, 2016.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,291
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,291
Karina,

There is very little positive about a cancer diagnosis but this event offers an opportunity to have more communication with your family. They are probably not going to help you as you get treatment but they can be there to offer comfort and emotional support.

Living in a rural setting does add more hurdles as you mention. Second Christine's thought about exploring options available to you to help you out while in treatment and recovery.

If you are T1 and having surgery only then that is "good" news as your path back to good health is generally quicker than others.

OCF is always her to offer support too.

Good luck, don


Don
Male, 57 - Great health except C
Dec '12
DX: BOT SCC T2N2bMx, Stage 4a, HPV+, multiple nodes
1 tooth out
Jan '13
2nd tooth out
Tumor Board -induction TPF (3 cycles), seq CRT
4-6/2013
CRT 70gr 2x35, weekly carbo150
ended 5/29,6/4
All the details, join at http://beatdown.cognacom.com

Link Copied to Clipboard
Top Posters
ChristineB 10,507
davidcpa 8,311
Cheryld 5,260
EzJim 5,260
Brian Hill 4,884
Newest Members
RCnola, mpaw, Spencer, Kevin5, CancerSurvivorSpou
13,041 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums23
Topics18,122
Posts196,667
Members13,041
Most Online458
Jan 16th, 2020
OCF Awards

Great Nonprofit OCF 2022 Charity Navigator OCF Guidestar Charity OCF

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5