Recently everything, well almost everything, in my life has returned to normal. I'm even doing theater again and one of my all time favorite bands is playing a show locally (which in and of itself is serendipitous considering if you knew the band they should have come here while I was down and out, it's almost like they waited) and I'm doing amazing at my job. But I have these catastrophic moments of impending doom and I feel like how far can I go back into life before something pulls the plug like last time. And part of me feels like I'm trying to do everything all at once because I know if it ever comes back my life will be shutdown, if not for a substantial amount of time, forever.
I didn't think it would be this hard to cope or that I'd need to cope as my life turned back into what it once was

Glad you posted and recognize the symptoms that can be treated. Check out the local cancer wellness groups. They have meetings where you can have a peer group discussing similar reentry challenges. Good luck. don

It's very common to feel that way. It's almost like a momentary panic attack. They do eventually get fewer as you get further away from treatment and with each consecutive clear scan. Just remind yourself to enjoy your life and live it to the fullest, because like everyone else on this planet you never know what will happen tomorrow. Congrats on the scan!

That's why we have support groups my friend. After our experience we are opened up to the reality that life could change or end at any minute and that reality is hard to cope with. Personally I don't think anyone can do it alone, nor should they try. Plug into the boards or a local support group and share these feelings to get them out, then you can face them with help. There is strength in numbers.

I often run myself into the ground trying to do too much and my friends keep telling me that I need to pace myself, and I do, however I have these same feelings and just feel like running while I can. Thanks for sharing, I believe you help others who wouldn't normally be able to put the same feelings into words when you do and let them know there are others out there that have the same fears.

Keep your chin up, you're doing awesome.

Eric

I think it's the weekends especially that are the hardest. During the week I don't have much time to think about anything but work and the musical I'm in. And it's so close to the anniversary of my operation. While everyone is celebrating valentines day I'll be remembering that day that was beginning of everything changing. It's just terrible. But I have to remind myself that no one's tomorrow is guaranteed. And that I had a pretty good case as far as cancer is concerned. And the radiation was an insurance policy.

Keep busy, and as mentioned, join a support group or get counseling. Certain historic dates do bring back memories, good and bad, like diagnosis date, and NED. Try to think the more positives ones like the clear scan, clear margins, you quit smoking, and you have the rest of your life to look forward to at age 26.

If you are close to NYC there are three H&N cancer support groups, and one in Long Island, that I know about.

Good luck.