Since my diagnosis Sept2/11, I've had a lot of time researching this disease and I cannot help but feel my future has been ripped off either way I look at it with treatment or not. Of course, without treatment, life would be short, not really a choice.

With treatment, I'm banking on eradication, future NEDs, then we have to contend with hearing problems, dental issues, and a multitude of other radiation side effects like carotid stenosis, changes in our throat, initially better if we're lucky, then possibly downhill as we regenerate. HBO treatments for extractions, etc, etc.

How do we deal with all this provoking anxiety? Ativan, antidepressants to cover it up? Enjoy each day like it's our last?
I was the provider of my family, and I need to go back to work sometime this year yet I could be facing a salvage neck dissection after my first scan in a couple of months... I still have a small residual nodule in my neck. I fear changes in my left shoulder and arm, then I can't work.

I'm still early as I finished chemorad Dec12/11 and I can't help but think I bought myself 1-5y if I'm lucky.

It's easy for people to say, "we have no idea when we will go", yes, true, but to a certain extent, us SCC survivors, all it takes is a recurrence, a met to a vital organ. I'm very disappointed we mostly had this one shot deal of cure with radiation plus or minus chemo and surgery.

Not really expecting answers, just venting, sorry, not a very uplifting post.

So hard to stay positive but I try, for the most part, being negative and giving up is not an option.

Roger, the time after finishing treatments can be a very difficult time for many of us. Its like we are left to our own devices. There is too much time on our hands to wonder what the future holds. The recurrence is something we all fear. After doing such hard treatments and knowing how bad OC can be its only normal for us to be afraid of getting sick again.

I used to be so afraid of it coming back that I wouldnt even open any of the posts in the recurrence tab. I was afraid doing that would somehow jinx me into getting it again. Well, keeping my head buried in the sand didnt protect me at all. I have had SCC 3 times within 3 years and I am still here. The last time I almost refused all treatments since I knew the surgery was so life changing. That was about 2 1/2 years ago. I am still here living a very good quality of life. Sure I have many after effects, the biggest being that I am now very disfigured. As a formerly very attractive woman, that is something that would send most people off the deep end. Maybe I have just always been a very strong person but I have accepted it and made it a part of my new life. We just have to play the hand we are dealt no matter what we get.

I hope you are able to pull yourself out of this and put it all behind you. This forum can be a very good source of help. Many patients and caregivers come here to vent and thats ok. We are here to listen and help get you thru it. Some people do take anxiety meds, while others seek out professionals to talk with. You need to do whatever you are able to so you can get back into living your life without constantly thinking 'what if'. I know all to well how difficult it can be to overcome those thoughts. You will get there one day too. Everything takes time.

Best wishes with your continued recovery!

Roger, feel free to vent whenever you want. You are experiencing what many of us have. It is very hard but things WILL get better. The folks on this site will help you every inch of the way, and we are all rooting for you.

Hello Roger!! Roger my man! Big Rodge!

Sorry I guess I'm feeling rather caffeinated this morning, I'll bring it down a notch.

Ok my friend, it is OK to vent! In fact you need it! Get those feelings out in the open, either through talking or writing so that you can see them, analyze them and deal with them accordingly. If you don't they'll chew you up and spit you out.

First I want to invite you to read my blog on the Coping Anger/Fear forums called "Letting the Healing Begin..." it's just a post or two down from this one at the moment. It's been my way of helping me deal with a lot of the realizations that you've made for yourself and maybe you can relate to some of the things that have helped me through and cope.

It is a scary thing to realize you are not guaranteed your next breath and we are different people after we've faced our own mortality. The hardest thing to do after that realization is to go back to living a "normal" life. In part that's why it's called the "new" normal. Those of us affected by this cancer can have lasting issues as you've pointed out, a few of us to the extreme due to disfigurement and other complications. What we've found however in cases like mine, ChristineB and Charm2017 (and many others) is that life IS still sweet despite what we face. It's a daily struggle to keep optimistic which is why we have our support networks and build relationships with people that can relate to where we are and where we've been.


Today despite your struggles my friend is a good day because you are on the "right side of the grass", you just have to choose to make it that way. Choice my friend, your choice on how you feel, how you react to your situation, how you live each day, each minute you've been granted. It's a hell of a responsibility but one you can handle I think. Welcome to reality, I'm glad you're aboard! In an odd way it's kind of like the Matrix when Neo is offered the choice between the red or blue pill. The blue pill representing the blissful illusion of ignorance while the red pill signifies the painful truth of reality. The blue pill would let Neo live out his days as a normal human being, drowning in mediocrity always wondering if there was more to life. The red pill was the hard road that led him to his destiny and allowed him to become great. I just got chills due to that analogy, inspired.

Big Rodge, I'm glad to meet you buddy welcome to our little haven on the web, sorry for too much philosophy this early in the morning, I'm surprised I had it in me with so little caffeine yet.

Be well, live life

Eric

Damn Eric, ever think bout going into the Psychology field? You inspire me!
Hey Roger...what Eric said.

You know Sue, I'll read the books but I've found a calling in life that is closer to my heart. Love you lady!

Eric

Hi welcome... Vent away!!! we've all been there! The fear, the pain, and anxiety. So we get it!