Strength, very interesting topic. If you notice the caregivers praising the patients and vice versa, both parties in awe and wondering how the other does it. Both are difficult to be sure.

What I've observed is that when it counts the strong are strong because they have to be, and they are strong when it counts...when it matters most. It doesn't mean they do not feel weak or emotional. Take bravery for instance, very similar. The brave do things even when filled with fear, not because they don't feel fear.

It also doesn't mean your weak if you need support or tools to help get you through a situation. It just means you are smart enough to use whatever means necessary to get through.

Keep that chin up girl and know you have people here for you if you need...whenever you need, and we understand how truly difficult what you are experiencing is.

Keep strong

Eric

Jeanna,
Are you getting out for a walk once or twice a day, or doing some other sort of activity? Exercise and light helps with your brain chemistry! If you can get your sweetie out with you, so much the better. Walking the dog in the morning with my husband is an important part of our day.

PS - if you tend toward SAD (seasonal affective disorder) like me, a full spectrum light might help.

Walking the dog is a Great idea, Maria! I just saw a special on how pets (dogs/cats) are helping veterans to heal, an organization that matches up Pets to Vets (P2V). If Rod is not a Veteran or you don't have a dog, you could get one!! (dog, not a Veteran) I hear that dogs are wonderful therapists, very non-judgmental, giving you unconditional love, and they are not likely to say "Well, it could be worse!". Having something else to think about can help the healing process. If you don't want a "forever" dog, you could be a foster parent to one from a local shelter until they get adopted, thereby saving them from the guillotine and you from depression.

Anne-Marie - I like your idea on fostering very much: it offers yet another way of connecting back with the world. Another possibilty would be helping out at a shelter or breed rescue group for a few hours a week. Helping out can involve playing with the animals - does not have to be strenuous. There are breed rescues and no-kill shelters for the particularly tender-hearted. Many of these groups are desperate for volunteers, and will make every effort to meet their needs.

@ Jeanna: You are my hero. You are also my friend and my sister. Because of you, and other kind and generous caregivers on the OCF forum, I have stayed afloat when I thought I'd drown for sure. You are one of the strongest women I know. You care so deeply, that it feels like weakness. It isn't. It is compassion. I think people who are afraid to care are the ones who are weak. They are the ones who can't visit someone in the hospital because they don't like hospitals. They are the "poofers" who disappear when someone they love gets sick. They are too weak to even stick around.

Eric is right, you don't have to go it alone or without anything to help you make it through the rough times. No sense in suffering unnecessarily. And, emotions and fear hit often after getting through the initial trauma. I remember when my grandmother took a serious fall when she was living with us. I was about 13 and home alone with her at the time. Her skin was like wet tissue paper--it bruised and tore so easily. She assured me she was fine and didn't want me to call an ambulance. So, I dressed the wounds, cleaned her up, and cleaned up the blood puddled on the carpet. It wasn't until I was finally able to reach my mother on the phone that I got emotional and near hysterical. My grandmother had no idea. She told my mom that I had been so calm and took care of everything just right. We know we need to keep it together to take care of the ones we love and we don't want to add to their suffering. But, we can't deny that what they are going through doesn't affect us deeply. It has to surface sometime in order for us to regain our balance and mental health.

Be kind to yourself. You are an amazing carer, a wonderful wife, and a dear friend.

Love,
Sandy
oxox
<3 <3 <3

Ooooh...tears in eyes....thank you all for your wonderful support. @ Sandy - you know where I am...

I have tried to take the dog out, he is pretty old, has bad arthritis in his hind legs, got across the road and had to re cross & come home again....poor wee thing - cant afford the vet at the moment

Don't go out much, have anxiety & panic attacks, even at the supermarket or chemist.

I think in all seriousness, I will bounce back after my court case against my ex emp. I struggle to deal with that and Rod. It was very demeaning for me to lose my job, so through my choice, I am taking it further as they did the wrong thing by me. Win or lose, I have made a promise to myself to regain my dignity, self confidence and self esteem, which they stripped me of when they terminated my employment.

Meantime, looking at getting some goldfish and a cockatiel. Can't replace my cat, and still have Patchie - can't afford another woofie mouth to feed at the moment!

Thanks for being there for me everyone, you're my saviours.....xoxoxo

Oh Jeanna...I am so sorry for all that you're dealing with. I have a suggestion for your doggy with the arthritis. Buy some Glucosomine (sp)pills. My dog just started having trouble getting up and some animal lover friends told me about these pills. I've been giving them to her and they are working! It takes a few weeks for it to build up in their system but I bet it will help your dog.

Good luck with your court case. It makes me so angry when people have no compassion. You wait....this will be a blessing in disguise. Sending you lots of hugs!

Love,

Shelley

Jeanna, you are such a darling!! I didn't have anyone taking care of me through all of this...they probably wouldn't be speaking to me now anyway!! LOL!! Just one thought that I have...I miss "me". The me I used to be and this new life..the "new normal". I am so thankful to still be here and for all of the incredibley awesome people that I have met because of this cancer. I do know from my friends how hard it is to watch someone you love go through this. But it's their love that gets us through it! You so have my heart!!

I need strength..I need it to get from one day to the next. I need strength to deal with all the issues my husband is facing. He has a feeding tube and since he cannot eat normally I feel horrible eating in front of him..so I don't, I go into another room. You know there are two kinds of people, those who eat to live (me) and those who live to eat (the husband) so this is really hard for him. Since his throat is raw from the treatments he doesn't really talk, so that is missing. I am doing my level headed best to be as strong as possible..but most days are really tough..and I know that may sound strange coming from "the caregiver", since what he is going through is probably the hardest thing he has ever had to deal with but my stress is hitting an all time high...and no one to really talk to. Thank you for the ability to vent.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caregiver to husband Rob. Head & Neck cancer, Stage 4 - Radiation & Chemotherapy

Hi Sallie...hang in there. Keep moving forward--baby steps--one foot in front of the other. You two are almost finished with treatment. It may still be rough for a month or so, since recovery doesn't happen immediately when treatment ends. But, it will get start getting better steadily after the two week mark. I suggest encouraging husband to try to swallow whatever liquid he can tolerate in order to exercise his swallowing mechanism. It will make it a quicker and easier transition from the feeding tube when he's healed.

I think there are people (patients and caregivers) here who will say that being a caregiver is, in some ways, harder than being the patient. While a patient's main focus is eliminating cancer and focusing on recovery, a caregiver has all his or her regular responsibilties, coordinating appointments, additional responsibilities that the patient isn't able to handle, and the obvious stress of actually taking care of the patient. Add into the mix being worried, feeling guilty about enjoying food or even life, and the helplessness of not being able to make it better--stressful, you betcha. Been there. Don't be too tough on yourself for feeling it and reacting. There is a good reason a caregiver is considered a co-survivor when a patient becomes a survivor. Caregivers are not only part of the cancer care team but they are part of the unit that is receiving treatment. Your wellbeing is a part of it.

Well, Sallie, you have a great group of people who will be more than happy to talk to you about what you are going through. You can post questions on the forum, or you can connect through personal messages. If you would like to actually, "talk", that's doable. You can send a message and I'd be happy to arrange a time with you to chat.