Welcome Jim, even though it's a crap deal I'm glad to see someone else around my age on these forums. I agree with Ray, make sure you are getting advice from the absolute best you can, this is your life at stake here, their mistake costs you everything.

I was stage 4 with lymph node involvement and did chemo/radiation and then neck dissection. I didn't have any issues with my shoulders but I did have my facial nerve compromised which paralyzed my face on the right side. The surgeon was hopeful that I'd get function back, after a year (almost) I have been able to "twitch" my jaw muscle as of late...but who knows it may comeback.

Personally if you don't need radiation don't do it man...they don't call it "the gift that keeps on giving" for nothing around here. But don't be afraid of it either, if it's necessary do whatever it takes man.

Anyway, good luck to you, sorry you had to find these forums but I'm glad you're here. You really will get great info