Traci

Read one more post to Lew

Lew:
Nobody understands just how important NOT getting a PEG is to you, even now. Except perhaps me. I had Stage IV BOT also that spread to left lymph nodes. I kept eating solid foods longer than anyone my team had ever seen after starting the 40 RT. You and I both know it's not being "TOUGH" like everybody assumes. It's symbolic of being strong enough to handle this cancer on our terms not its nor the doctors. We can't change the damn radiation and its effects. We can't do a thing about the Chemo side effects except take it. What you and I could do and did do was REFUSE to take a PEG. Trust me brother, nobody felt more strongly than I that Feeding tubes are for invalids and those too weak to show this cancer what's what. Plus what if I forgot how to swallow? And what did I get: Bragging rights big time and a year of thinking I was RIGHT about no PEG And I was wrong.
Well guess what Cinderella, Midnight has come and gone and you are sitting with your head up your pumpkin pretending you are winning. At least I was really tough, no candy ass port for me: just both arms with blown veins and huge black and blue marks. I NEVER missed one day of pushing Ensure Plus down - even though it took a half an hour over the sink. One sip of Ensure Plus, then swish with Selzter water to spit out the mucous, one sip of EP etc etc. You have dropped the ball, buddy, admit it and wake up. Listen, if I was there, I'd pick you up by the throat and shake your sorry ass and say THINK OF TRACI if not yourself. I may not be as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. Time to be a man my friend. Get in touch with your inner Chuck Norris, I can already tell you have one by the way you are handling this. No shame in doing your best and then doing what a man has got to do- be really tough and get the PEG
Yeah, you are close to making it without a PEG, but this is not horseshoes and almost does not count. At a minimum get the nasal tube- but the best thing is do go the PEG route now. I hated the nasal tube and it choked me and was terrible, I was glad to get the peg. I don't know what shape your throat is in, so you may have to do the PEG the hard way like I did with floursocope and percutaneous instead of easy poke a hole in over the light.
Do you want to be sitting here a year from now and if the cancer comes back think, If I had only finished those last 4 RT I may have beaten it. Do you do any road races or running. I was always amazed at those who dropped out of the 10K at the 5 mile mark. I understood those who dropped out of the marathons I ran at the 22 mile mark. I never quit nor dropped out and always puked in the finishing chute as I pushed myself to finish strong. You are quitting just when you can cross the finish line.
Listen, I kept my cool the entire two years until I failed the barium swallow test last month and had to get a PEG. I broke down and sobbed uncontrolablly for the first time since DX because to me getting a PEG meant the end of everything. As I said at the beginning of this post: perhaps nobody but me can truly understand just how important for so many reasons not getting the damn PEG is for you. went from 177 down to 128 and cheated on weigh ins by putting lead fishing weights in my vest pocket plus blackberry and cell phone all cleverly hidden to avoid the doctors not treating me anymore But you are not eating dude. the next month after Radiation is over is brutal and worse than when you had treatment. Without nourishment, this cancer is going to beat you, Just my opinion, but it breaks my heart to read threads like this one You know only 5 out of about 6000 posters here got thru without PEG (with Stage IV) I have been where you are brother and it's time to move on. My wife cannot believe how easy it is to hook up the feeding bag and let the liquid pour in. Get yourself a 14 FR PEG not a lousy 10 or 12. If you can swing it, get a 20. Size may not matter in urology but it sure matters in oncology: the bigger the PEG the better.
Turn this thing around before you regret it. I got a second chance, you may not. Mets to the lung can come pretty fast when you don't finish RT, Is it worth it my friend. We both know the answer. Do the right thing, get that PEG