Thanks Jerry

I am lying in bed(its 4pm)at the moment.I had a bit of a funny turn while i was at the hospice this morning and i was violently sick.My boss ordered me home.She said i look exhausted,emotionally fraught and unwell.I said thanks lol.

I have to be honest and say i havent slept well for months,and hardly at all for the last week.The committees findings have absolutely wiped the floor with me,and no matter how many times i hear that i did good,my sorrow at the implications for the rest of you is just devastating.I sooooo wanted this case to be held up as a benchmark case for the whole world to see.When i think of it,which i do all the time,it feels like a great big door has been slammed in my face,and you are all going to have to fight even harder for increased awarenes in the dental profession.

I have this sneaky feeling that i have no where to hide any more when it comes to accepting Robs death.Finally i have nothing left to do.Its really all over,and its quite painful .I have put my grief in a box for 13 months,and this seems to have lifted the lid off it good and proper.

The hospice are insisting that i get counselling now,and this seems such an admission of weakness,but i will stay here in bed and try to get some rest,a least until tomorrow,when i am due back at the hospice, and i have managed to sleep for three hours so far.

Robs struggle to live which i know some may think wasnt all that valient,will haunt me forever,but more than that the circumstances of every person here will keep me fighting this cancer every opportunity i get.

I have written to the lawyers,who totally agree that the decision stinks, and they are going to raise my concerns about the verdict with the committee.Robin had had his ulcer for four weeks before his first visit in May,so by the time of the second visit,on the 15th May he had already had it 6 weeks ,and i CANNOT see how he got away with not referring him ,and not making note of the status of the ulcer and i cant see how they can state so categorically that he would have died anyway,what the hell are they clairvoyant.Why do these people assume that it was an automatic death sentence?
The General Dental Council's whole case revolved around these points and they seem to have just ignored them. There is no appeal however so nothing will change.

Your interest and support have been the one constant that has kept me going through this,and i am so sorry it didnt turn out better for all of us.

love and hugs to one and all

liz