Let's see.....you asked a bunch of questions...but first there are a couple of things that I feel strongly about ( You can see that I feel strongly about a lot of thing!)

1. To me, it was very important to be very open with my family and friends. I can see that you already do this. This is too big, and too difficult to be shy about. You will need the support of your husband especially, and your close family, and your friends, even in perhaps a larger circle than usual. I felt the need to make up an email list of friends that I felt cared about me, and I asked my son to write updates to that list until I felt that I could do it myself. To this day, people ask me how I am doing, and I appreciate it tremendously. They say that they are still praying for me, and I say thanks, that that must be why I am doing so well. Some say that they didn't know if they should mention my illness and surgery, that maybe I had forgotten about it and wouldn't want to be reminded of it. WEll, I do not want to be defined by it, but it doesn't bother me to be reminded (as if it is ever very far from my mind....but sometimes it is!!) I love being in someone's thoughts and prayers.

2. I encourage you to take your husband everywhere--to all doctors' appointments and all testing. Have him look inside your mouth. Let the doctor show him everything, now, and after the surgery. When they take out the obturators, have him look over the doctor's shoulder and see what's going on in there. He will have a new understanding and appreciation for what you are going through. Get yourself a small, bright flashlight, and a mirror that can fit into your mouth, so that if you need him to check something for you, he can do it. Let him "IN" and don't be shy about the changes in your body.

3. Never, ever let this affect your relationship, except to draw you closer by having you walk the journey together. It will do that if you'll let it.

4. Include your children as much as possible, and as much as is appropriate for their ages. Of course you will do your best not to frighten them, and to assure them that mom is going to be fine. But they have to know that you are going through a difficult time, and they have to know that you will have some changes, and some problems that you will have to figure out. A sense of humor will serve you well. You need to let them see you without your obturator, down the line. You will look different and sound different, but you can't hide from your children, and you shouldn't. Home is your safe haven, where you can let your hair down and take your teeth out!!

Give them some special chores to do, so that they can contribute to your recovery by feeling helpful.

5. You will likely have a period of grieving over the loss of part of your body. Remember that it is NOT part of YOURSELF. I had to keep reminding myself that the person I was and am was not changed.....unless I allowed that to happen. ANd I was bound and determined not to let this disease take from me more than it had taken. I was not going to let it take me and change me. I was not going to let it make me bitter and negative.

6. You might go through a period of depression. Let the doctor give you an antidepressant for a while. It will speed your recovery and your return to normal living. I didn't take anything, and I look back and see that maybe I should have. I cried lots and lots, at the drop of a hat. I had trouble getting over this, and it didn't have to be so difficult. (I keep saying that, don't I?!? That gives me the right to advise someone else to do things differently!)

7. Look for the blessings. There are many! Focus on them, rather than on your "loss." You will find new strength in yourself, and your husband, and even your children.

8. You are about to embark on a difficult journey, there's no question about that. But remember that it IS a journey. You WILL come to the end of it, and you will be ok at the end---different in some ways, but still you and OK...stronger and wiser, with a greater faith and stronger relationships. It's not how you would have wished to be spending the next several months, and it's something that, of course, you would love to not have to experience at all, but you weren't given a choice about that. All you can do is to manage it the best way you can. I had to keep reminding myself that, as bad as this is, many people have worse situations. That does NOT minimize the seriousness of your---or my---personal situation. But I learned also that there are many kinds of loss, and ours is only one kind--and a significant one, to be sure. Other people lose limbs, and children, and entire homes and lifestyles...

9. Whatever your faith is, get in touch with it, and let that be a source of strength for you, and for you and your husband together.

That's the sermonette for today. I wouldn't presume to write such things if I didn't feel really strongly about them all. As with all advice, certainly all of mine, take it or leave it....use what feels right to you.

XO--Colleen