hi, i am a 39 year old wife and mother of two terrific little boys. i want to start by stating that i do not have cancer, but will be undergoing a total maxillectomy in july. i found my way to this site after weeks of up all night searches for just anyone to talk to about what is about to happen. the only way i could even find any info on my upcoming surgery was thru oral cancer sites, as there is very little infomation on my tumor. after not going to the dentist for a couple of years and ignoring a lesion (which seemed to me nothing but an irritation on the roof of my mouth from my daily regimin of captain crunch cerial) i had developed gum disease and subsequently two loose teeth. my fear of the dentist probably would have kept me away longer, but the loose teeth thing freaked me a little. so finally, i went to a periodontist and within 2 days i was forwarded to an oral surgeon and biopsied. a long agonizing week later the surgeon came back with "pleasantly surprised it is not a malignancy, as i expected - but concerned about what it is." i was dianosed with an ameloblastoma, a rare, usually benign bone tumor of the jaw. in my case the maxilla, which is even more unusual as if it weren't rare enough. he did not offer much info, except that it was disfiguring and that it would have to be taken care of. i was sooo grateful and incrediably thankful it was not malignant and rushed home to tell my half-crazed family and friends. then of course, got on the internet. the more i found and found out, the scarier it got. by the time i met with my new maxofacial surgeon i already knew the grim facts, just didn't know til after tests how much jaw would be lost. turns out it will be 3/4 of the maxilla and the bottom of the sinus cavity, much more than we thought and we were stunned. i remain still stunned weeks later. i am fuctioning but still just can't get my head around it. i met with the prostetic doctor this past week and got the molds done and heard all about my upcoming months and issues. left even more scared and concerned about speech, swallowing, eating and the like. she, like the surgeon, totally downplayed reconstruction options with mentions of reoccurance. first i heard about how it would be many many surgeries and again back to prostetic issues and painful recoveries. also added was not closing the sinus due to the flexibility of the graph would forever compromise the prostetic. since then things seem even more bleak to think that even reconstruction is not such a great option and was told that most do not opt for it. i still cannot get over a couple of loose teeth can lead to this and feel like i am walking in some parallel universe. i am terrified about the surgery itself and what to expect, waking up, the pain, eating, cleaning the wound and the long term effects. it just seems so enormous to me and even makes the way past 6 years of infertility treatment look like a picnic (afterward we were blessed thru adoption.) i guess i thought the trying times were behind me. my friends and family are being forever supportful, but of course, don't know what to say. i was hoping that even though what i am going thru is nothing compared to so many here, that i could connect with someone who had this same surgery. would like to know whatever you are willing to share big or how small. i feel if i can get some feedback on the true reality of it, perhaps i can accept it more and maybe even breath...thank you.