Wow - I couldn't believe my eyes when I read your post. For a second I thought I was reading my own post from my personal blog that I keep. I posted nearly identical thoughts and emotions just last week - and like you, I'm just at a year out. It does seem like there is a cycle to what people experience in terms of emotions and reactions and one of these days I'm interested in spending some time researching and recording those...

I can tell you what broke me out of my funk that I was having early last week - getting the wonderful news that for the first time my post treatment scans were "unremarkable!" I went from feeling angry and frustrated in the early part of the week to feeling elated when I got the news on Thursday. I didn't even realize at the time that the stress was really getting to me - sometimes the waiting and wondering if the disease is still there makes all of the incredibly inconvenient and uncomfortable long term side effects seem that much worse. We are pushed to the breaking point so often with this disease and the treatment aftermath - it is no wonder that we occasionally snap and need to vent! Thankfully people here understand - people in the "never touched by head/neck cancer world" just don't seem to get it.

Speaking of people who just don't get it - my father in law wants to know if I tried Aspergum for my trismus and dysphagia. That's right - he just knows that the three oncologists working on my case must have missed prescribing chewing aspirin gum for all of my woes. Don't you wish things were that simple?!

I hope good news comes your way soon and that some of your stress will ease up a bit! In the meantime, I think you have every right to be angry about the side effects - they SUCK!