Hard truth is yes Billy. I know I'm angry at times for being dealt this hand of cards, and I'm willing to wager that most others do as well. We are literally ripped, screaming and kicking, out of our comfortable lives, and dumped into this cesspool of constant examinations, treatments and pain. Some experience surgery on top of treatments. Although I cannot relate to that, I can certainly point to the prominent and painful lump in my throat caused by brutal radiation doses and ask, "When the hell is this thing going to go away so I can speak and eat normally?"

Why were we selected to be blessed with this ailment? I have no idea, but the alternative is something I'm not willing to face just yet. There is too much left undone in my life to give up the ghost. Sure, we're all pissed off to one degree or another at being so sick, but there is always time to try and change our perspective, at how we look at this situation and deal with it. There are people you can talk to, that your wife can talk to, to see if there is some way to convert your anger, (a perfectly normal human reaction) to an energy that is less destructive.

Maybe a slightly higher dose of pain control medication might take the rougher edges off. Pain and anger go hand in hand. I know that without the Fentanyl patches I've been wearing for the last several months, the pain would have driven me to some extreme behavior which would no doubt have caused severe harm to someone, either myself or someone else.

Activities which will cause you to focus away from your situation may help. Are you working? Is there something you can do for someone else? Could you volunteer some time to give aid to someone who needs it?

Talk to someone, a counselor or clergy or rehabilation person. See if there's something you can do. We all are angry to some extent.