Ouch Sharlee--you certainly don't sound neurotic or crazy--and if you can't be 'in bits' on here, where can you?--so much to deal with at one time and all that 'hanging around' with nothing but bad memories, fear for the future and worry about the ex.
2 things you SHOULD be able to deal with--see the hospital about the ex so she gets nowhere near, and insist Joe comes with you.
We know illness is not his 'forte', to put it mildly, but both you and your daughter really need him to be there--any chance the doc could talk to him about that?
Keep coming here Shar, email us and anything else you want so we can try to help you through this.
Thinking of you, Bren x