Shar,

My heart goes out to you and your husband.It has been almost 30 years since we faced such a scare with a child. The testing and not knowing was the hardest part. No matter how strong we are for ourselves, having a child in peril is so frightening.

Do not be too hard on your husband. He has had the trauma of the past year and now his baby is facing the unknown and he can't fix it. He can't even tell her how he feels. One of my grandchildren has been through multiple illnesses and surgeries requiring hospital stays. I was the one who has spent the most time with my d-in-law. My son had been busy working and is like my father was - he can't take being in hospitals or around sick people. This is just some people's nature. When he was little he stopped talking to my mother. She realized that he was frightened by a big wound on her leg. Once it healed he was OK.

I have a sister with a very aggresive form of breast cancer. We have come to relize that when serious illness strikes it can be harder on the family than on the one suffering.

You and your husband should not have to deal with the addditional burden of fear of the former gf. Tell your doctor about her. Perhaps he can help you deal with the situation through channels. Hopsitals are real gossip mills and she must be handled in such a way that she willl never know that you instigated any action. If he can not help, speak with a medical social worker in the hospital.
Malka