My love of my life was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer on Feb. 10th, after asking me to marry on Feb. 1st. I did not leave him, but kept fighting all of the way with him. We married on Nov. 23rd- after he had endured two rounds of radiation to his back and head, and chemo for eight months. Finally, on Dec. 15th, after an allergic reaction to adivan and after fighting cancer for ten months... my baby went to heaven to be with his mom and sister.

I came here often in the first months, to lurk or to even question. Now I come back because I am lost and dont know what to do. I feel so lonely and hurt by this demon that took my husband away and can't seem to find peace in myself to move on. Tonight, I lay here thinking I dont want to be here- but know that my darling would not like me to feel this way. How long till the pain stops? How do you move on?

I have cried so many tears over the last year- but had some of the happiest moments in my life too. I just want my husband back-