Hi Lily,

I got "fired" before we even started. I think Dan was just SO mad at the diagnosis he kind of lashed out at me.

Although, that period was short lived, I have made it to every appointment and treatment. And, like you were during treatment, we feel very strong as a team while we are undergoing the fight.

I am concerned about being in a situation like yours post-treatment. I understand the phase you are in currently is one of the roughest. When did your husband complete treatment?

Because of all of the potential issues post treatment, my husband's medical team wants him to consider anti-depressants now as they tend to take a couple of weeks to get into the system and he has just over two weeks to go of treatment.

However, my husband is adamant about not wanting to consider that option. Has this been discussed with you and your husband?

I have been told privately by our healthcare team that day by day the treatments and post treatments rob each patient of their independence and this is almost as hard emotionally as the treatments are physically.

How independent is your husband at this phase? Is he able to drive...track his calories/fluids...keep track of meds? Could you give him some space and take a little time for yourself and your son?

I don't know if this helps, but I have a neighbor who was finishing up treatments for oral cancer the week my husband was diagnosed (back in May). Seeing their lives show signs of normalcy is what keeps the light shining at the end of the tunnel for me. That, and what I read here.

I have hopes that our marriage will be stronger after this than it was before. Although, I am very aware that this journey will likely get harder (and possibly rougher on our marriage) before it gets easier.

Please let us know how far along your husband is post-treatment. I think that will help people help you more. And, as people give you advice, I think that will help many others. I do not believe you are alone at the stage you are in.

All the best,