Hi Karen -

I've been off the board for some time and am just catching up on things. I completely understand the family feud situation - boy, do I ever! It is difficult to explain to someone that hasn't had to deal with 'the sister' in the family. So, from my own experience - forgive me for giving you a bit of advise...

First - you are doing a TERRIFIC job! Stop, breath and give yourself a big pat on the back. You are doing everything possible to keep everyone on track. Here's the thing, the more you try to please 'sis', the worse things will get. It sounds like she is totally manipulating you, then making you feel guilty for not doing what she wants, when she wants. So - stop worrying about 'sis'. You will never be able to make her happy and live your own life.

Mommapez was right on target. Find out who has power of attorney for your dad. If dad is so ill that he can not make medical and financial decisions for himself, then a power of attorney will protect him.

Just for this post, let's look at this a couple of different ways:
1) dad really can make the decisions himself, but doesn't want to make either of the ladies in his life upset - so he just let's you and 'sis' battle things out. If this is the case, you really do need to tell dad to make a decision and you will support it no matter what. BTW ...That is really, really hard to do! ...or...
2) you have power of attorney. You tell 'sis' what the plan of action is (and stick to it). She can travel to Atlanta to visit dad, etc. and then don't worry about her.

Speaking for myself, my dad's sisters weren't simply difficult to deal with when he was terminally ill (lung cancer) - they were deliberately cruel to me - and this just hurt my dad even more. So - do what is best for you and your dad. Period. Sister will fume awhile, but if she loves her brother (and it sounds like she does) then she will get over it and be glad to have her brother's best interest being taken care of.

With all the plates you have spinning, please take time to breath. Take care of yourself - The more you do this, you will find that the kids will become better behaved, happier (so will hubby) -- the ex's are ex's for a reason -- so let the attorneys handle that pressure.

Sorry to carry on. Your post brought back many, many memories of dad and his 3 sisters (now that was a hand full, let me tell you!). In the end, dad passed in peace and knew how very much I love him (still). The sisters still fight amongst themselves and they rarely ever contact me. That's ok.

Hang in there -
Carol R.