Ok I have not been able to give my support to many this week, which doesn't make me feel good. I am having a bit of drama with my dad's health rapidly declining, and getting him into this new treatment center clear across the U.S. He is flying from Atlanta to Santa Barbara tomarrow. He will be there for three weeks.

To start with, my dads sister has been his primary caregiver since he got sick a year ago. She has always been his surrogate mother in a sense- good and totally annoying at times(especially to my dad!). I feel so bad for dumping, but she pi$$ed me off so bad today I can't take her anymore.

I have done the flying back and forth from California to Atlanta. I order all of his supplies, food, etc. on line and send them anything they need. (and pay out of my pocket)I have found doctors, nurses, clinics- done tons of research. I have not slept, ate, and lots of other stuff. I can't remember my life before this cancer. It is all I think about. I have my family here in California. I have five children. Four teenage step daughters 12,14,14, and 17. I have a seven year old son. I live in and out of court with my husbands not so sane ex(10 years of litigation and her trying to get every penny we have, and a legal battle with my ex partner from a small business that I operated as of last year. My brothers have seen my dad once, and have called him just recently- a year of not one call or visit from his 2 favorite sons. So , I'm sorry way to much info, BUT...

Dad is flying to a clinc here tomarrow. I got him a private nurse, got his food and oxygen sent there as the clinic doesn't provide this. Got a rental car for the nurse (she is coming from Atlanta), have to pay my uncle back for the airline tickets, AND am paying for the clinic $20,000 cash. No problem.

My aunt calls me to tell me I need to go to Santa Barbara to be with Dad. I tell her I am trying to make arrangements, I was not sure until this afternoon if Dad even was well enough to make the flight- he gets the ok from the hospital today while he is down there getting checked for this terrible swelling he has going on now-his face, eyes,nose is closing up- docs just say its part of the disease- dad is crying in tears- totally the saddest thing ever- but he CAN get on the plane. So I know its a sure thing. All I've been doing for months is making arrangements. So.. I say my housekeeper-nanny that I use for emergencies is out of town. Dad will be there three weeks, I got him a nurse- I am trying to figure out when I can get down there. Mind you, I just got back from Georgia. My kids have been like out of the picture, and it is killing me. They are acting out(cops, parties, boyfriends, slipping grades, fighting amongst themselves). My aunt- who never had children- not little ones- some stepchildren when they were already in there 30's, tells me leave my husband( who has been making these trips to see my dad with me) home and get down there. I am the glue in my family. I have been with my step daughters for over 10 years. They freak out when I am gone. They adore their father, but I am MOM!
So politely I just say "Ok". I don't want to go ape Sh!t on her, she is my elder. She then goes on how her life has been put on hold because of this and so on. Let me tell you - SHE INSISTED!!! She dragged my dad with him digging in his heals from Florida. She says she has always taken care of him and that is her little brother, then complains about it. She is retired. They live comfortablely. Just built a five bedroom house for her and her husband. SHE INSISTED MY DAD GO THERE. She always gets in my dads affairs, complains how she always has to get him out of situations. She has been an ENABLER. He probably would have done more stuff for himself if she would have left him alone. But she couldn't, and nagged him, or reminded him and he got accustomed to his sister always doing things for him. She created the monster and now wonders why he is the way he is. He is her kid.

THEN says after getting me to get him into this clinic( he will go back for more rad and chemo in three weeks and start rad and chemo 2 weeks after he is home in GA) that nothing better happen to him out here, she will come out to kick butts, and maybe he should stay there to start the other treatment sooner, but that the doctor said to her starting in five weeks was when they had planned and starting a few weeks earlier wouldn't make a difference- doc says to aunt he should come to this clinic.
BUT... it will be my fault if he dies? She says he is going to die, but if it's here it's my fault. Why would she have me going through all this per their request, and try to tell me I better do what I have to do, but will be held responsible for something happening? Why doesn't she come with him? She says she does everything for him? Are we just doing the cancer fighting crazy wits end family blame everyone thing? This is so too much!!!! Long story short, I'm gonna cut back on the 47 calls a day to her. I'm hoping for the best and will do what my dad tells me to do-not his sister.
I have heard many great thing about this clinic from other cancer patients. I'm glad my dad doesn't have them for a little while. He said he didn't want anyone to go acctually, just a nurse. He wants to focus on his treatment- not get nagged to death. Well if you aren't sleepng yet from this rediculously long post, thank you for your ear.