We're at 3+ months past treatment. He's back at work, but short of that, all he does is sit on the couch and watch TV (endlessly). Because of his job change, we moved to a new state just as treatment started - so we've spent no time exploring our surroundings and the new house isn't even unpacked. I do as much as I can each day, but I'm reaching the point of exhaustion. Today I got out of bed at 3 AM to squeeze a few extra hours out of the day. Somehow I'm making it on just 5-6 hours of sleep a night, but I'm sure it's taking it's toll.

I work a demanding full time job (that I love and that has been my salvation through this horror) - and spent hours this summer catering to his every need, nurturing his every symptom and mood change. I took four weeks unpaid leave to care for him during the end of treatment and nearly killed myself trying to keep my job while supporting him through treatment and beyond.

Now, here we are post treatment and I'm responsible for *everything* in this brand new house and I'm beat to the core. I've lost 40 pounds because I can't find the energy to eat (though I admit I'm delighted to be down to a size 10-12 - yippee!), but he's the cancer patient and he's only lost 15!. I'm already on anti-depressants, I've found a few friends here (but admit my support system is very limited and support groups here are not plentiful) and I'm finding myself getting furious with him for sitting on the couch endlessly. I've already lashed out at him twice!

I honestly think if he would get "out there" (e.g. take a walk in the neighborhood, see a movie) he might actually start to feel like a human being who is more than just a cancer patient! He's only 45 years old and he has the energy to do it (he's recovering well!), he just doesn't have the drive. I got him to a psychiatrist who put him on antidepressants but I've not seen much of a change.

I'm so angry and frustrated, I've actually given thought to leaving the relationship. I'm too young to spend the rest of my life with a man content to watch TV on the sofa and watch his life simply pass him by. It ISN'T the cancer that will rob him of his life, it's his own choice to be sedendary and sit on the sidelines. Sadly, there aren't many places to share feelings such as this - so please forgive the outburst...these aren't pretty thoughts, but they're honest.

Has anyone found themselves here?