Marie,
My husband was diagnosed in Dec 05 and had surgery In January, he has SCC of the tongue with lymphatic involvement. I too have a daughter who is 12, going on thirty- We are just in the beginning of puberty and i worry a lot about my daughter. She has had a very hard time with all of this also. We also have a nine year old son. I have to say that at first we were only giving them bits and pieces, (a rock they could carry) and one night in the beginning my daughter came to our room very upset, she was bawling. She told us she knew things were worse than what we had told her and she wanted to know all the facts. So that night with her lying in our bed we told her everything. We ended up doing the same with our son a few nights later, for me I just didnt want our kids to have to grow up quite so fast, this is a life changing event that makes a child have to mature more than they should have to. As the "SUPER MOM/CAREGIVER"I make sure every night I tuck them in and see how they are doing emotionally. This has been the BEST times I have ever had with my children. It is the time of the night that they will open up and let me in on thier lives. Why it took cancer to get me to do this I can never tell you!! I will tell you that there hasnt been a night (in three months) that I there hasnt been tears though. If its not Audra its Parker and visa versa. Each time there is a melt down, we talk about the fear, and talk about the positive side of it. I have had to get very creative on this (especially on the nights where I havent got a positive thought in my head) Most nights I cry with them, and I think that helps them to see that they arent alone in thier fears. It is so hard having "active Dad" be unable to go ride bikes, or wrestle, or even just sit at the dinner table. They do understand this though and we take whatever time we can get with him (on his good days)
Now meals are my hardest! I have a picky eater (ramen only) and one who will eat anything, and myself to cook for. I cant cook things with a lot of odor, Erik cant stand food smells. So my mother took me aside and told me that my children would not starve on cold cereal and microwave meals for the months that he has treatments, and although me the"SUPER MOM" thought for sure they would, they havent. I will say though, treat yourself to a nice steak every once in a while.
As far as you and being the caregiver, EVERYONE told me at first- "take care of yourself" blah blah blah- Well listen to this advice, I am so tired right now, I am popping Air-born vitamin like candy. I am so afraid of getting sick, because of the exhaustion and there isnt time for me to go down. I finally asked his dad to take a day of the week to take care of Erik. Just so I could have a day to myself. I dont do anything particular on this day but rest and try to have lunch with a friend. There are days when I just want to be JENNIE- not the wife of someone getting Cancer treatments. I could go on and on, but feel free to e-mail me any time
Jennie