Dave,
I was very depressed when my radiation treatments ended. I would look at that feeding tube after my 8AM feeding, and think to myself:
" now what do I have to look forward to today...my noon feeding?" I sought counselling, but what really turned it around for me was something very simple...I started taking a walk every morning. It was only a couple of miles and took less than an hour, but just getting out in the pretty neighborhood and walking each day, stopping to pet a friendly dog that sat in her yard each day, saying hi to people that I became familiar with, made me feel so much better. I also would make sure that I had a couple of errands to run each day, even if it meant just a short ride to the pharmacy. Since I lived alone, I also got friends to drop by and visit fairly often. Then I found a men's support group that I attended once a month.
You have a lot on your mind, and nights can be rough, but, in my case at least, things began to improve and today, life is sweet.
Best wishes,
Danny G.