Dave,
Your particular road seems exceptionally rough, and it makes the problems in our little household seem trivial. I, too, have sleepless nights (and find I must take Lunesta or Ambien to get any sleep at all) and every little problem out there magnifies itself.
DO start exercising more! It truly will help you release the tension! I have become a real believer in the power of physical exertion over mental pain - as much as I hate to work out. Wish I had a swimming pool, however!
Tom has said that he, too, has been waking up sweaty and with that horrible 'panic attack' feeling. I think he relives those hated radiation sessions when he felt so totally helpless. He has become a more prayerful soul, and he tells me that helps him get through the night...and sometimes back to sleep.
God bless your wife for the year she has had, but I'm sure she is grateful that you are with her - despite everything. I thank Tom every day that he has worked so hard to get well - - - I happily take him with his raspy voice, his too-slim body, his thinned-out beard, his 'second belly-button (from the feeding tube), and what he calls his 'turtle neck.' Although it is difficult at times, he and I both put emphasis on what he has survived so that everything else falls into perspective. We have to do this again and again, and I'm sure we'll continue to do so. I know it hurts him (me, too) when we see his brother who looks so much like Tom did before all this happened. My heart aches, and I spend a day or two feeling sorry for Tom and for me, but then I do the 'perspective thing' and I'm okay for awhile.
I'm sorry I have nothing better to offer, Dave, but know that we will have you in our prayers and thoughts.
Give your wife a big hug from us, too! We are aware, to some degree, of what she is suffering.
Love
Nicki