DenverSis,

I can't tell you too much because we only had hospice in for the last few days of Heather's life. I can tell you that I will be forever grateful that a hospice nurse was there the day Heather died. If not for her being there and recognizing the symptoms that portended the end, I never would have experienced the final communication that I had with my daughter.

Heather had been heavily sedated for days because it was the only way to keep the pain at bay. (A tumor had destroyed her vertebrae which left her totally paralyzed, but gave her excruciating pain that even massive doses of morphine couldn't control.) When the nurse realized that the end was near, she spoke firmly and loudly to Heather to wake her. The nurse said many people try to hold onto life longer because they don't want to upset their loved ones. She wanted to assure Heather that it was okay for her to let go. She assured her that we, her family, were okay with her decision and that we would take good care of her daughter Cati for her. I had the chance to say goodbye and tell her how much I loved her and she was able to squeeze my hand in a final farewell. That alone was amazing because she had been unable to move anything but her eyes for the last few days. But she somehow found the strength to squeeze my hand.

I would never have had that final, amazing experience if not for the hospice nurse being there. The nurse also recognized symptoms that were missed by the other nurse. The other nurse was wonderful, but hospice nurses are trained specifically in end-of-life issues. I think they are more aware of the subtle changes that often signal the end.

I am so sorry that you and your sister have to go through this, but I hope this has helped a little.

Rainbows & hugs,
Rosie