DenverSis,

I can not tell you or your sister about the final stages of life would be like. I can tell you as a caregiver for a terminally ill mother was like.

My mother was given a few weeks to live with ovarian cancer spreading throughout her body, her bowels closed from obstructive tumors, her brain riddle with mets. She was given a small chance to gain extra days with brain radiation and she took the plunge. She then was given the opportunity to take on some more chemo to minimize the pain and it ultimately gave her 8 more months. She never really walked much or got out of bed much the last 7 months, after the radiation.

In some cases, treatment to minimize pain and help with other symptoms is allowed in hospice. The care she received was outstanding. She had a person come by twice a week (it could have been more) and give her a bath, massage her feet and rub oil and lotion all over her to keep her skin from drying out. She had a nurse that checked in every week, more often if we requested it. She had access to a social worker, a chaplain and a pain management doctor.

As I said, the care was outstanding and everybody involved went out of their way to make the "rest of her life the best of her life". We adopted this slogan early on and this became our focus for all decisions. If the answered did this, it was acceptable.

My mother never spoke of pain, seldom complained and we just took each day as it came. She finally stopped all treatment because the chemo was making her so ill and she would barely regain her strength in time for the next round.

I hope this helps.

Ed