Mandi,
I can't speak for Brian but I can say this, I have days in the toilet, days I struggle with fear but my counselor training tells me that someone has to be the "support" part of a support group.

I have worn the caregiver hat. I worked with and was trained by the hospice folks. Helped with the toilet, bathed, hand fed, etc. I had to counsel my own father to prepare him for his impending death. This is not about oneupsmanship, but rather my qualifications to comment on caregiving.

Caregivers are under appreciated for all that they do and suffer. The worst thing that could happen to me would be that I just die. That would be a relatively easy end to my problems. The worst thing that could happen to my wife and caregiver is the uncertainty, grief, poverty, loneliness, unfulfilled dreams, loss of companionship, etc. Certainly worse than anything I am dealing with.

You didn't volunteer for this either - it was just slammed in your face.

I had such serious anger issues from the radical disruption of my life when I was my fathers caregiver that I spent 2 years in therapy, weekly, one on one with an MFCC. Then I had guilt issues that I didn't do enough, or made the wrong decisions as his medical advocate.

In 1995, they didn't have all of the support groups that they have now. I had nowhere to turn to or any resources. I felt like a pioneer in the middle of the wilderness. I had to figure out everything from complicated medication schedules (not to mention contraindications and drug interactions), Medicare billing overbilling, I had to manage all my fathers bills and money. I took on the role of the meticulous, over-responsible. I had no power, my life was not my own. The girl I was engaged to at the time dumped me because she wanted me to put my father in a convalescent home (because it was taking away from our time together) but he feared that more than anything and insisted on being in his own home. I honored that. And this all happened when I had just 6 months of sobriety!

I am sorry that you have felt admonished simply for sharing your feelings. The forum should be a safe place in which to vent. I am sure that most on the site would not wish to admonish you or anybody else but rather offer as much support as they can.

We all have triggers also and it is difficult to know what are. Sometimes I don't even know my own triggers.

It is difficult to see the entire intentions of ones post when all you can see are words on a page and not their face or the emotion that went into it.