Hi Mandi,

My husband just completed chemo/radiation for the first time. I pray that this cancer beast will never return as my heart breaks when I read about a recurrence.

My husband doesn't smoke or drink, and still I'd curl up in the fetal position and cry my eyes out if we ever had to repeat a timeframe like we just went through this summer.

Hmmmm...if he did smoke and drink, I'd have to be honest, I'd probably be throwing dishes and breaking them too. Well, maybe. Certainly, mad as hell comes to mind.

There have been many posts on here about addictions...and the power they hold over people.

I pray that your husband sees this turn of events as a reason to stop smoking, and a reason to appreciate the amazing people who have stuck through him through the years.

And, I pray for strength for you. And, if you don't feel that strength inside you I hope you'll keep posting here and that you'll find the strength from the people who want to support you on this new leg of the journey.

I'm exhausted, this summer has been the toughest one that I ever endured...and, I'm just the caregiver...not the patient.

Although, as you know...balancing kids and your husband's needs and all the other things life throws at you...it's hard. I have also been trying to keep a biz afloat...that's been tough too.

And, I went into this having NO idea what we were getting into. That is when ignorance is bliss. You don't get the luxury of that the second time around.

Will your husband only have surgery or will he have chemo and rad again?

Are you sensing a shift in your husband...like a wake up call kind of shift?

Do YOU have a good support system...friends, neighbors, family?